Happy Birthday, Dad!

Today is my dad’s birthday! I know that I might get accused of being a bit biased, but I have to say that he really is the best dad ever. Some of my best times growing up were when my dad would take us fishing, or hunting, or sing crazy songs with us on long road trips in the car. And, even though I’m not “growing up” anymore…he still takes good care of me. He has taught me so much in my life…especially how to be a good person…I am lucky to have him. In short, I love him, and hope he has the best birthday ever!

Buckle Up!

So I could probably do weekly blog installments that showcase bad habits that I possess, but a girl can only self-depreciate so much, right? Right? Hmmm…

Well…for today, anyway, I’ll talk about my bad seatbelt habit. I don’t know why, but I almost never put my seatbelt on before I start driving. Instead, in the morning, for example, I back out of my driveway, put it into drive, and then put my seatbelt on as I am driving up the street. Don’t ask me why. It’s just how I roll.

So…today, as I was leaving for lunch, I backed out of my parking spot, and out of the College parking lot, and then reached to put my seatbelt on. Well…it wasn’t cooperating, and did not want to be put on. I’m sure we all have shut our seatbelt in the door before…so you know how that feels. So…sometimes, if your seatbelt isn’t TOTALLY slammed in the door, you can yank it out, right? Right. So I yanked. And I yanked and yanked…and turned onto Garfield…and yanked some more.

FINALLY…it gave up the fight. But, as it turns out, it wasn’t slammed in the door. Instead, it was wrapped around the recliner handle on the seat. So…you know what happens when you pull on the seatbelt that is wrapped around the recliner handle on your seat? You recline. While driving down Garfield.

So…I’m sure it was just a second or two before I pulled myself back up…but it felt like I was driving blind, in the snooze position, for like a year. I couldn’t see to pull over. I couldn’t see to avoid any oncoming traffic that I might ram into after possibly swerving into the other lane while laying down. SHEESH. When I finally DID get myself back up, my seat remained down…and I quickly pulled over (with no traffic around me, thank goodness) and remedied the whole situation…feeling like the total idiot that I apparently am.

The moral of the story? Put your seat belt on before you pull out of your parking spot. Or…don’t put it on at all. Safety first.

Busted!

So…I realize you can’t read what that pretty little pink piece of paper says, so I’ll fill you in.

On or about the 10th day of June, 2009, at 7:34 am, at the 3200nd Block of East Grand, a wild and reckless driver…(aka ME)…did unlawfully commit the following offense against the peace and dignity of the State of Wyoming:

“Speeding—subject drove 47 mph in a posted 30 mph zone confirmed by radar.”

So…there you have it. I’ve assaulted the peace and dignity of the great state of Wyoming. In my defense, the speed limit changes to 45 on that road, about 3 inches past where I was pulled over. I know that’s a weak excuse. I’m pretty much a menace to society. If you don’t want to associate with such a hooligan anymore…I’ll understand.

It's A Good Thing It's Friday...

...because this is about where I am right now...

Oh How I Miss Chris Farley

I stumbled upon this little gem today and just couldn't stop laughing. I LOVED that guy!

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

Vacation...Alienators Style

Guess who's going to San Diego in July! The Alienators! That's right...Kristi, William, and I are flying out for some FUN IN THE SUN! San Diego doesn't know what it's in for!

Caos en la Línea del Supermercado

You know, I love the self-checkout lane at Walmart. I use it pretty much every time I got shopping…and feel like the whole checking out experience goes ten times faster. I’ve got it down to a well honed craft, too. I whiz right through that line and I’m pushing buttons before the little computerized voice is even telling me to, and I’m all done in a freaking flash! Such a flash, in fact, that I tend to get a little impatient with obvious self-checkout first timers. I just want to run up and do it for them, as they stare at the screen and wonder what to do next.

That being said, I got hit with the humble stick today when I was rushing to check out so that I wouldn’t be late getting back from my lunch hour. Racing up to the only checkout that wasn’t occupied, I started scanning my stuff immediately, barely paying attention to the screen. I’m all about speed, you know. Well, in case you aren’t familiar with the glory of self-checkouts, there ARE some things you can’t scan in. Produce for example. Bakery items. With these, you just touch the on screen button that says “look up item” and find whatever you’re buying on the screen. Again, I’m a total whiz with this. At least, I usually am, until I look up and notice that the screen, and all of its buttons, are in Spanish.

Um…

It’s not like the buttons were in different places. It’s not like the screen didn’t look exactly like it does when it’s in English…but for the life of me, I couldn’t remember WHICH button to push to look up the item. Like…where it was on the screen. And there are, obviously, several buttons to choose from. I swear I can usually do this in my sleep! But not in Spanish. Ugh. So…I took a gamble. And totally pushed the wrong button. A button that took me into some weird screen I’ve never seen. I tried really hard to push some other buttons to back out of there, but to no avail. And of course, two seconds hadn’t passed before the kindly old Walmart worker, who stands at the top of the self-checkout area to oversee them, came over to solve my problem. I think the position could be eliminated by a simple “back” button on the screen. But no…that would be too easy. Instead, when people mess up, something goes off on their terminal that says, “Great…the idiot at register #2 has screwed up royally. Go swipe the card hanging from your lanyard, push random buttons on the screen for a while, and make sure they feel good and stupid before you leave.”

So…smug “I’ll fix your issue” lady comes over. And I say to her as she’s walking toward me, “Hey, I just pushed the wrong button…I didn’t realize this was a Spanish terminal.” She looked at me like I was a crazy person. She came around to face the screen, and then looked up, totally dumbfounded. “I don’t speak Spanish,” she said. Well…super. So…instead of me pushing random buttons trying to get out of there, SHE was doing it. And I swear…she had no idea what she was doing. You could just tell. All the while, I was turning into that self-checker-outer that I hate…who holds everyone else in the store up. Ugh! FINALLY she swiped her little card, and it went back to the right screen. I KNEW it. All that random button pushing is just for show.

Anyway…once she had it fixed, she just stood there, watching me. Like I would want HER help ever again. Sheesh. After assuring her that I could muddle through without her, she finally went away. I chose the right button…I found my item…and finally checked out…promising myself that, in the future, I will never start scanning again until I’m SURE that the machine is speaking my language.